Times in Our Lives
by FrancoGamerxz
Summary: In which Hermione is a time traveller, Ginny is a dark lady, Harry has a Harem, Ron is confused and Luna is Luna. Keep up with the adventures of our merry bunch! parody fic, very little if any seriousness with a ridiculously overpowered Harry and Luna, a Naive and slightly senile Dumbledore, and relentless chaos and mayhem.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I can't find the sweet spot to write the serious Harry Potter story, and Naruto is coming along as I alter a few plot points here and there to make it more to my liking in the future, so meanwhile, entertain yourselves with some crack that just came to me, and will probably devolve into more and more crack as it goes. Enjoy!**

 **Also, Harry Potter and everything related is property of J.K.R and other people whose names I don't know and whose pockets are fairly deep. As** _ **MY**_ **pockets aren't that particularly deep, then I have to presume that I don't own squat.**

"Harry!"

Hermione Granger gasped as soon as her eyes snapped open. She gingerly got up, a phantom ache plagueing her back as she did. Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, she she tried to gather her thoughts in order to dispell her confusion.

' _Wait a minute... Dispell... Spell... The Ritual!_ '

She abruptly jerked into the realm of full awakeness, memories blood, chalk, flames and ritual circles bursting forth within her head and giving her a massive headache. Employing the occlumency that she had painstakingly learnt - to a very good level if she did say so herself - she temporarily pushed back the flood of memories to establish her location and status. Years of war had a way of changing people.

The first thing she did was check for her wand, finding it under her pillow as usual. With that out of the way, she checked herself for any scrapes, cuts, bruises or any other sort of damage, finding none. With those things out of the way, she decided to give her surroundings a check.

She found herself inside one of the 4 poster beds of the Gryffindor dorms, the burgundy coloured drapes drawn and silenced from the inside, as she remembered. Palming her wand and keeping it close, she opened a tiny slit through the drapes and peeked through, situating herself properly.

' _Everything seems good so fa-... Wait a second. That poster._ '

Hermione was, of course, referring to a certain provocative poster of a wizard modeling in nothing more than his underwear, having been removed from a PlayWitch magazine by Parvati before being enlarged and staying in their dorm for a whole of 6 months before the prefects got wind of it. Most importantly, she remembered that all of this happened _during fourth year_.

' _Goddamnit I overshot it with the spell! I was supposed to return to 5th year!_ '

Yes, That's right folks. Hermione Jane Granger had managed to successfully travel back in time.

After an honestly depressing clusterfuck of a future, she decided to come back and do-over, in order to save her Harry.

Yes, _Her_ Harry. They had gotten together in the future.

' _Far too late, in retrospect. It seems I will have to speed things up a bit._ '

Getting up from bed and taking care of her morning ablutions, Hermione made her way to the common room only to find it empty of all but one person. A certain Raven-haired, Green-eyed wizard whose gaze was very intently placed upon her.

Having him scrutinizing her so much caused Hermione to fidget lightly before Harry let out an exhasperated sigh, seemingly finding what he was looking for.

"When did you come from?"

Hermione froze. Harry somehow knew she was a time-traveller. Was it something she did different, or wore different? ' _Oh god I've ruined history!_ '

Harry shook his head lightly, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into a hug while sitting on one of the common room couches. They stayed quiet for a while, Hermione trying to recover and Harry allowing her to. Finally she decided to speak.

"How did you know?"

Harry snorted lightly before answering "I came back too. Kinda. And it was all my fault."

"Your fault? What do you mean?"

Harry scratched his head sheepishly "Well... You see..."

 _ **-Flashback-**_

It was November 3rd. Not 1 week since Halloween and his name came out of that ruddy goblet and people were already turned against him, calling him an attention-seeking cheat of a gloryhound. It was 2nd year except worse because it wasn't just the school. Or the strangers.

He expected his friends to hold strong, but Ron had turned on him as well. Hermione was worried about him so she took straight off for the library to help him prepare, but that just made him feel more lonely. The glares, the looks... It raised doubts that he harboured for a long time.

' _Are any of my friends really my friends? Am I that unlikeable? Will nobody ever really love me?_ '

Harry's thoughts were following a downard spiral before he slammed the brakes on the pity train and decided to hear the little voice in his head (which sounded suspiciously like Hermione) when it advised him to ask more. If people couldn't answer, then books may.

6 hours and 15 books later, and Harry finally found his answer. Well, kinda. He hadn't really found the answer to his question in the books. Instead, he found a book on love-based rituals in the restricted section. He studied the book cover to cover, memorized every incantation, wand movement, runic arrangement, everything he needed, and he had to honestly say he learned a lot.

Love is very powerful, Runes are useful as hell, not all rituals are evil, and, most important of all, If nothing else can answer your question, ask magic itself, and it'll answer. Probably. Maybe.

He happened to absentmindedly comment about finding a place to practice magic in peace while in the kitchens, and Dobby introduced him to the Come and Go Room, or, Room of Requirement. The room defined itself in whichever way would suit the user's needs, and that was just fine with him as he didn't know if his drawing was precise enough to map out the runic circle. The circle mapped, Harry cut the palm of his hand and dropped a few drops of his blood on the circle before muttering a long-ass incantation, and then a pink light enveloped him...

 _ **-Flashback End-**_

"And here we are."

Hermione goggled at Harry "That shouldn't be possible."

Harry just shrugged "You're friends with me. You should be used to the impossible."

Hermione shook her head emphatically "No! No! In the original timeline Neville found the room of requirement during our 5th year..."

"With Umbridge, yes I know."

The bushy-haired brunette slowly asked "Harry, what exactly did your ritual circle do?"

Harry cleared his throat before responding "It was basically an over-glorified way of asking the universe who I'd marry. Except, instead of simply telling, it decided to show."

"And what exactly does that mean?"

"Well, my theory is that it tried to pull someone from the future who loved me in order to show me directly, but since you were messing with time magics, the weakened threads between time and space dragged you here instead. The same happened with me, sort of."

"Dragged me here? Happened to you sort of? Explain."

Harry sighed before scratching the back of his head "We're in an alternate timeline. You know the many worlds interpretation where there are various realities coexisting at the same time, parallel to eachother?"

Hermione nodded, prompting Harry to continue.

"Well, associate this concept to the concept of branching timelines. There are various parallel universes, separated from one another by dimensional barriers. I cause a disturbance in the timestream in my timeline in my universe, you do the same in yours and mine happens to 'hijack' your signal as it were, and changed your landing destination."

"That's... Very well thought-out. Huh."

"Yeah, I'm smart like that. I was marginally smarter than your original Harry, so I decided to do the ritual. Maybe in different timelines I didn't go through with it, or botched it up and either simply failed or died, but what happened in this one is that I happened to intercept a fuckload of other Harry's at the same time, minds and souls alike. Normally my brain would have dribbled down my nose at the information overload, but I'm anything but normal. Before the actual other Harry's started arriving, the concept of occlumency and the occlumantic experience from many of the other Harry's hit me like a sledgehammer. I straightened out my mind and toughened my brain up to resist the amount of information. You probably feel like your older self, as you merged into one-another without any buffers or such. You are, in all intets and purposes, that Hermione. I segregated the life experiences and emotions of the other Harry's from mine, so I'm basically the same Harry as I was before, except with various new perspectives and a new maturity derived from the knowledge and experiences of other me's."

Hermione nodded thoughtfully "Ah, I see. But wait, I came back as one person only, yet you had multiple you's. Is it possible that other time-travellers..."

Before Hermione coud finish, Ginny bolted down the staircase from the female dorms, dashed towards them on the couch before kneeling in front of Harry, her eyes burning with an unholy mix of desire, devotion and lunacy.

Harry and Hermione looked at eachother, both recognizing that look, and blanching at the implications.

"I am returned to you for you to make use of, my lord."

That was the look that Bellatrix LeStrange gave Voldemort.

 _ **To be Continued**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter as If I did Ron/Hermione would never be a thing, and Luna and Neville would be more proeminent characters.**

 **WIth that out of the way, I gotta start by apologizing for the content drought. I am trying to progress with Naruto, but the inspiration is hard to come by and I'd rather write nothing than write garbage. Harry potter: His own person is a whole other beast. Thoughts, ideas, concepts swirling around in my head and I have to decide which direction the story is going to head.**

 **With that out of the way, please enjoy the new chapter of Times in our lives.**

"Harry, stop being such a difficult child!" came the exhasperated, semi-disappointed tone of Albus Dumbledore. It'd have been more convincing if he hadn't just finished throwing a high-powered pink-purple spell at said difficult child.

Harry made his way around a corner just before the curse hit the stone wall, spreading sharp shards and dust in the air. His wand was clenched tightly in his hand and he looked around the room he was in. There were various darkened alcoves that he could take shelter in. With a few waves of his wand, the room was abscured with thick mist and his voice sounded from everywhere at once, even after he sunk into one of the specific spaces.

Dumbledore strode purposefully into the closed-off room, knowing exactly where he was leading Harry to. The elder wand within his grasp, his robes of a baby blue with shining stars, he'd look exactly like the stereotypical grandfather figure were it not for the gleam of madness visible in his eyes.

"You know that you can't escape from here, Harry. Just be a good boy and come out, let's talk things through and come to an agreement."

"So you can try to use me again?"

Dumbledore turned to his left, shooting an overpowered stunner somewhere into the mist where he heard Harry's voice from.

"So you can try to manipulate me some more?"

Once again Dumbledore turned to the source of the sound, shooting another stunner into the heavy mist, trying his best to hit Harry.

"No, Dumbledore. The pawn you believed you had? Never existed."

Once more, now having lost his sense of space and not knowing where he was facing, Dumbledore shot a lightning fast spell to the source of the voice, frustration tinging his features.

"Everything since day one, trapping me with the Dursleys, sending Hagrid to get me instead of an actual professor, my meeting with the weasleys, befriending Ron. The trials and tests that you set for me. The information you tried to withhold, the isolation you tried to impose on me, the dependence you tried to create, and the sense of self-sacrifice. None of those went by your designs, they went by mine!"

By now Harry's voice was coming from everywhere at once, robbing Dumbledore of a target while angering him further.

"I survived the Dursleys for 11 years! 11 years of depending only on my wit, inteligence and cunning! A normal child, heck, most wizarding children would've died by year 6 at most! But I endured! I grew strong! I learnt not to trust blindly! Read patterns! Analyze people! Distrust authority!"

By now Dumbledore was gritting his teeth. Who did this whelp of an child think it was? He was naught but a mere child, relatively to the might of Albus Dumbledore! He shouldn't be self-aware, he should be following the dotted line, and thanking the name Albus Dumbledore for allowing him to be used as an instrument for his goals!

"Your grandfatherly act? Saw through it since day one. Did you never find it suspicious that a mediocre child at most subjects scholarly, consummate headstrong, blindly charging gryffindor managed to pull off the most surprising deeds not out of sheer dumb luck, or nobility or anything like that, but by through planning, inteligence and cunning? You think you know what happened within the walls of your school? Let me shed some truths!"

' _Yes, Keep talking Harry, give me a target._ ' were Dumbledore's thoughts as he discreetly waved the tip of his wand in a circle below him.

"First year, you thought that my mother's protections killed Quirrel? No! Stupid! I used an overpowered blood boiling curse! Why the fuck do you think he turned into dust? And the stone? You destroyed a fake, the original was mailed back to the Flamels! They were very thankful and ended up sending me various tomes out of appreciation by the way. Tomes you never even had the chance to sniff the covers of! Second year, Basillisk? I killed it not to save Ginny, but to make sure Hogwarts didn't close permanently. Third year, 100 dementors. You think that an amateur at the spell could do that? No. As soon as the year started, after first meeting that blasted thing in the train, I started teaching myself the patronus charm. My efforst with Remus were me faking it, since the entire situation of hiring him just as Sirius Black breaks free smelled of year, Triwizard, I used the fact that you forced me to participate to my best possible gains.

I networked. Met and befriended a few Claws and Snakes, figured out who were my true friends and I started teaching them. Umbridge? That fat cow was under my thrall since day one. You weren't the best manipulator at Hogwarts, Albus, I was!"

Dumbledore flicked his wand purposefully, banishing the mist and shooting an overpowered bludgeoner, fueled by anger, at Harry who was straight in front of him. Harry managed to raise a strong Protego, but the spell managed to just barely break through the shield and clip his shoulder, sending him down and forcing him to hold his bruised should close to him. As Dumbledore advanced towards his downed form, he heard Harry's voice right behind him.

"By the way, I win."

Before Dumbledore could react, a sharp pain made itself known at chest level. Looking back, he saw the form of Harry Potter, grinning at him. Looking back at the Harry in front of him, he saw as the telltale bubbling of skin emerged, revealing the first Harry to be a polyjuiced Ginny Weasley.

Looking down at his chest, he saw the bloody swordtip of the sword of gryffindor protruding from his ribcage.

"Before you die, let me tell you something Albus. I wasn't the only one you fucked over with your manipulations. Your prodding and Molly's blind faith in you resulted in dear Ginevra here being all but brainwashed to try to marry the boy who lived. After that, you let the diary into the school and Tom messes with her head. Well, I helped her. Broke her programming, told her the truth, and so she chose to devote herself to the first person to be completely honest to her. And the youngest child of your staunchest supporters caused your death. Now, please go warm up a seat in hell as Tom will be meeting you shortly."

His peace spoken, Harry twisted the blade before pulling it back out of Dumbledore, snuffing out the man's lights.

Making his way towards Ginny, he waved his hand next to her arm, fixing her shoulder. The girl eyed him with fire, a mixture of lust, devotion and infatuation , both with Harry, and with the power he wielded.

"Beautiful" she breathed out distractedly as she watched his imposing figure, bloody sword in hand, acromantula silk robes in emerald green with black trimmings, an aura of power around him, and the softest, most emotive emerald green eyes ever.

"You're not half bad yourself, Ginny luv" came Harry's playful tone as he held his hand out to her, helping her to her feet. Before he could say much more, she slammed herself into his, her lips claiming his with ferocity. Pulling back lightly, a smouldering look in her eyes, she spoke "I am yours, now and forever, Milord."

 **-The present. I guess?-**

"And that brings us to now."

Hermione blinked owlishly at Harry. Yes, Dumbledore made some mistakes, but the tale he just told her did not compute. Then, a thought made it's way through her mind ' _Oh, different dimensions, different Dumbledores_ '

"So, you became a Dark Lord?"

"Yes."

"And Ginny became your wife?"

Said redhead was the one to break in at that "Dark Consort and Lady Potter."

Hermione sighed, shaking her head exhasperatedly "Only you, Harry. Only you."

Harry just shrugged at that "Hey, not my fault fate likes to screw around with my life. I just roll with the punches, y'know. Now, we should head down to the great hall and catch breakfast before classes start. I don't know about you two, but I could really go for a bite."

The two girls shrugged before they followed Harry out of the gryffindor common room portrait to face the population of Hogwarts, Hermione hugging onto his right arm, and Ginny hugging onto his left one, the brunette showing contentment while the redhead showed eternal devotion.

That day ended up being one for the ages in the history of Hogwarts.

 **CHAPTER END! Please Rate and Review, as Reviews are the key to the realm of creativity. Probably. Maybe.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own jack shit, m8's.**

 **By the way, sorry for the content draught. I've been dry in the creative juices department, and this will be the first thing I write in a long, long time.  
**

 _ **-Ravenclaw house, present-**_

"GODRIC JAMES EMRYS, YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!"

Basically the entire house woke up at that scream, shivers going down their spines as they recognized that voice as the 'Father did something stupid' voice their mothers used occasionally.

Whoever this Godric James Emrys fella was, he was for sure getting a good tongue lashing. Poor bastard. 

_**-With Harry, Hermione and Ginny-**_

Harry suddenly stopped mid-step, causing Hermione and Ginny to do so as well and to look at him, only to see his face twist into a grimace.

"You know, maybe going to the great hall right now isn't the best idea, how about we hit the kitchens instead?"

Hermione frowned at this "Harry, you don't need to worry about the others and their stupid opinions. Running away from the great hall would be giving them the satisfaction of getting to you!"

"...What? No, it has nothing to do with the students, I could care less about their glares. No, I'm worried about something far worse and more dangerous!"

Ginny gripped her wand tightly at that declaration "If it is dangerous to you, milord, then I will destroy it!"

"No, Ginny, it's not danger in that sense. I won't get hurt... Probably. No, It's..."

Harry was interrupted by a blonde, irate 3rd year Ravenclaw with raddish earrings and a necklace of butterbeer caps poking him in the chest as she spoke angrily.

"Myrddin Salazar Hufflepuff, how many times have I told you not to mess with the time-space continuum before? Are you stupid, or do you simply enjoy giving me a headache? Be aware that this means you'll be sleeping on the couch for the forseeable future! And the futures I can foresee are very expansive!"

Hermione and Ginny gaped openly at Luna Lovegood, the supposedly ditzy, off-her-rocker, loony girl - who actually came to be friends with them later on - tearing into Harry with a ferocity previously seen only on a nesting Hungarian Horntail (which they had a factual refference to!), while Harry just had a look of resignation to letting himself get berated, wincing occasionally at the chest pokes.

Then, something clicked in Hermione's brain.

"Wait a damn minute, Luna! Myrddin Salazar Hufflepuff? Time-space continuum? Sleeping on the couch? What is going on here?"

"Ahem."

The three girls looked towards Harry after he cleared his throat. Said person was nervously scratching the back of his head, further tousling his wild, raven locks of hair and getting an imperceptible blush from all three.

"Hermione, Ginny, I introduce to you Luna Potter, my wife, and alternatly known as... Morgana Le Fay."

While Hermione's chin took the time and effort to slam into the castle floor, Ginny turned to Luna with her eyes basically sparkling. After all, it's not everyday you meet your heroine, the first and baddest dark lady in history!

Luna let out a resigned sigh as she rubbed at her temples irritably "They're back as well... Sebastian James Flamel, you better have a good explanation for this or things are going to get very bad for you!"

"Yes, dear. You see, I was feeling pretty down after the champion selection..."

 _ **-One explanation Later-**_

"So this Harry did a love-based ritual, which accidentally ended up interfering with other people's time magics, and only with girls that were romantically entangled with you. Now you've all sorts of different men inside of you all at once."

Harry cringed at that.

"Please, don't phrase it like that. It sounds... Wrong. The Malfoy kind of wrong."

Hermione broke in at that.

"Wait a second! Shouldn't your ritual pull people only from the future who tried travelling back?"

Harry shrugged at her, before responding.

"I never said that. I just said that It's interfering with the coordinates from time magics. Time magics themselves muddle the concept between past, present and future, so having past lovers popping up here isn't really much of a stretch. Luna doesn't really count as a _past_ lover, though. She's got true seeress blood in her, so she's more aware of things related to time, and sensitive to time magic. Prophecies, alternative timelines, time travellers. Her consciousnes is conected across various timelines and shit. The time-space tomfoolery that more than a few people did that landed them here, as far as I'm aware, probably caused some of the other Luna's to bleed into this one completely. Like me. "

"And this Morgana Le Fay business?" Broke in Ginny, a quill and parchment in hand just waiting for a signed autograph.

"One of her iterations. Well, several of them, really. Many of the Lunas were Morgana's, some were Perenelle's, some were even Rowena's. The only constant is how sexy, beautiful and smart they all are."

"Aww, Harry you charmer... Still not getting you out of the doghouse, though."

Harry shrugged at that, a rueful grin on his face, before speaking up.

"A man's gotta try."

Hermione sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose "So, is it just me,Ginny and Luna who're back for you?"

Luna snorted at that "Not at all. The accumulated concentration of time magics permeating Hogwarts is reaching absurd levels, according to the Nargles."

Hermione facepalmed at that, even as Luna kept speaking, ignoring the brunette's antics.

"There are probably more people already here, from either past, future, or alternate timeline, or whatever; Or people who are en-route still. _Someone_ -" Luna said while giving Harry a chastising look "-really made a mess of things, here."

"Nothing's ever easy with you, is it, Harry?" Hermione asked, even as Ginny squaled in happiness, in the background ,as Luna signed her piece of parchment, her arm, and her cleavage as 'M.L.F' , using a sharpie that she pulled out of... Somewhere.

"If it were, It wouldn't be me, now would it?"

"I guess it wouldn't." Hermione said with a rueful smile, before frowning "I'm still hungry. Are we going to the great hall or not?"

Luna jumped onto Harry's back, latching on like an infant macaque would to it's mother "We are, and you're taking me there, horsie. Mush!"

Ginny renewed her grip on his left arm, with Hermione doing the same to his right before they once again set off towards the Great Hall.

Harry's chuckle drew the three girls' attention.

"What're you chuckling about?" Came from Hermione.

"Oh, just the thought of how jealous the guys will be when they see that I managed to get together with three of the most beautiful girls in the castle. At the same time."

Luna cut in at that "Not to mention the others that will eventually gravitate around you as well when they come back... You're still not out of the doghouse though."

Harry shrugged with a cheeky grin "Worth a try."

And once again, now with a new member, our group made their way towards the Great Hall in the quest for nourishment.

If they end up finding a philosopher's stone, the holy grail, or proof of alien life on the way there, it's probably Harry's fault.

 _ **-CHAPTER END-**_

 **Welp. Author's note, huh? All I have to say is that I'm sorry to anyone accompanying my stories for the draught of content, and that despite the fact that I'll do my best, constant and timely uploads will not be probable. None of my stories are abandoned, though. At best, they're in Hiatus.**

 **Please remember to leave a review, tell me what I did well, what I could do better in, or if my story is absolute garbage or not! Bye!**

 ** _I_ _ **'v**_ _e reworked this chapter, as I felt it subpar. As I cook up new stuff for 'Naruto: Uzumaki Chronicles', and contemplate how to proceed with 'Harry Potter: His Own Person' , I decided to work on on this thing._**

 ** _Anyway, please leave a review, follow and/or favorite this story if you enjoy it._**

 ** _Arrivederci!_**


	4. Chapter 4

**NDisclaimer: I own none of this stuff, I'm holding it for a friend!**

 **Another Universe**

 _ **-4th year, Graveyard-**_

 _"Bare witness to my greatness, Harry Potter! You gain the privilege of being one of the first to gaze upon my renewed flesh, and the honor of being part of what brought my return around in the first place!"_

 _Voldemort's sibilant, hissing tone reeked of self-assured smugness, and arrogance, in his belief that he had, by giving himself a body, suddenly become any better than he had years before, when he got slain by a 15 month old babe._

 _Harry looked around, his face calm, and his eyes were automatically drawn towards the visage of Lucius Malfoy. Say what you will about the man, and his moronic crotch spawn, but damn if his hair wasn't fabulous._

 _Probably more fabulous in his worst day than his own wife's in her best day._

 _Harry managed to suppress the urge to snicker at that thought, especially considering the fact that the death eaters surrounding him were attempting to make menacing faces, only to end up looking constipated instead._

 _Having figured out a basic plan to not get creamed there and then, Harry smirked towards Voldemort, no traces of fear on his face, which caused the serpentine man both simultaneous irritation, and curiosity._

 _"And what do you smirk about, Harry? Have you lost your mind to despair?"_

 _"Not really, Tom. I just find it funny that you can only find the guts to monologue when you've your posse surrounding you, with me tied to a headstone, after being drained of blood and freshly awakened after a magically exhausting ordeal like the triwizard finals. Can't really blame you for the precautions, though. I did, after all, kill you twice already. When I was a baby, and when you were a brain tumor of Quirrel's. I'd be afraid of me as well."_

 _Voldemort seethed, and as he raised his hands, the start of the incantation of the torture curse at the tip of his tongue, Harry continued on, as if he hadn't noticed the Dark Lord's actions and were simply continuing his thought, while he was somewhat sweating inwardly at his gamble._

 _"Now, you'll act all mad and indignant, then cast the torture curse to weaken me further, Isn't that right? Why not show your men how good you really are? Fix me up, duel me at full strength. Show them why you believe that you're above me, or that purebloods are superior to half and 'mudbloods'. Still, both of us know that either one of us winning would prove none of those statements, would it, Tom?"_

 _Voldemort seethed at that. His pride, fueled by his arrogance, warred against his anger, managing to stave off his desire to simply kill the impudent child. No, he could do better. He would absolutely destroy the one supposed to have been his defeater, and show his followers why he was their master. Then, his plans could start taking shape._

 _Voldemort adressed Pettigrew, even as he pensively looked over his wand._

 _"Wormtail, fetch blood replenishing, skin knitting and pepper up potions. Feed them to Harry, free him and give him his wand."_

 _"M-My lord?"_

 _"CRUCIO! I DO NOT ENJOY BEING QUESTIONED! DO AS YOU ARE ORDERED!"_

 _Pettigrew writhed under the Crucio for a good 15 seconds, giving Harry a grim sense of satisfaction at watching the suffering of his parent's betrayer, before his twitching form dragged itself off to do as Voldemort ordered._

 _5 minutes later, Harry stood right as rain across from Voldemort, his Holly and Phoenix Feather wand held in a tight grip within his hand. The death eaters watched with full attention, none more so than Lucius Malfoy who had a settle to score with the Potter boy. Being tricked by a 12 year old, and having lost his servant still tweaked him something fierce._

 _Voldemort, not caring enough to read the thoughts of anyone in the graveyard, spoke in his cool, calm tone._

 _"You do know how to duel, do you not, Harry? First, we bow."_

 _As he said that, Voldemort bowed a the waist, his eyes on Harry's form as the boy pasted on a mocking grin, putting the least effort possible in his simile of a bow._

 _Smirking to himself at the boy's un-gryffindorish display, Voldemort called out._

 _"Now, we start at the count of 3."_

 _Harry gripped the handle of his wand tightly, his wrist loose despite the fact that his knuckles were white._

 _"1."_

 _Harry seemed to focus, adopting a serious face, even as Lucius smirked smugly. Voldemort seemed to hold only an amused look at that._

 _"2-"_

 _The white-skinned 'man' was surprised by the loud cry from the green-eyed boy._

 _"_ _ **BOMBARDA MAXIMA!**_ _"_

 _Voldemort erected a shield in front of himself, expecting the spell to be directed at him, only to be surprised at an explosion inbetween his ranks of death eaters._

 _His eyes flickered towards them in a second, giving Harry the time to summon forth a smokescreen, before various flashes of light flew out towards the death eaters, resulting in pained screams, the loss of limbs, and even more explosions._

 _A silent '_ Accio _' by Harry had the TriWizard Cup sailing towards his hand, and in the last second as his smokescreen was taken down, he could only give Voldemort a cheeky grin and a two-fingered salute, before vanishing in a flash of light._

 _Voldemort, for his part, was frozen solid for a while. He then turned around towards his summoned servants, only to find them all either dead or dying, horribly mangled for most cases, though few were lucky for instant and painless deaths. Only wormtail, Crabbe and Goyle were untouched by Potter, though Malfoy was the worst off of the lot, having taken an acid curse to the chest which seemed to have eaten through his innards._

 _Voldemort's shoulders starting shaking at that, even as he tightly gripped his wand. His nonexistant lips vanished into a line, even as the shakes and spasms seemed to wrack his entire body._

 _Despite their sheer lack of intellect, Crabbe and Goyle stepped away as they expected the dark lord to start tossing curses left and right, and intended to allow Pettigrew to take the brunt of the damage, but the three were surprised when Voldemort burst out laughing, having to clutch at his sides as his stomach folded over._

 _After 5 minutes of uninterrupt laugher, Voldemort wiped a tear from his eye even as he spoke to himself._

 _"You seem to be unable to not surprise me, Harry. To think that you were this cunning, this... Slytherin. Oh, and do I wonder if Dumbledore knows how much of a snake his golden boy really is. To have targeted my support base through deadly methods... Darker than expected. This will be an interesting war, waged between two snakes who understand eachother better than any others. I hope to have fun in this chess game with you, Harry."_

 _Having said that, Voldemort allowed himself to be apparated by Goyle back towards his home, while Pettigrew took care of scrubbing the graveyard clean of evidence of their wrongdoings._

 _Harry, for his part, had simply been enjoying his title as the Tri-Wizard champion, a smirk pasted firmly on his face as photographs were taken of him hoisting the cup for the daily prophet. Dumbledore seemed to want to talk to him alone, and Hermione seemed to be holding herself back from rushing over to him and bruising his ribs with one of her Hermi-hugs._

 _Various other witches were giving him coy looks, batting their eyelashes and such. He deigned to adress some of them with a smirk and a wink, or a nod, before turning his focus back on the interview._

 _Inside the castle, Snape was chugging down a tumbler of firewhisky. His dark mark had burnt bright for the first time in years, and that was something he had hoped never to happen again. Ever._

 _ **-Now-**_

To say that the great hall was stunned into silence was an understatement.

Harry Potter had just crossed the great hall doors, Hermione Granger hanging off of one of his arms, Ginny weasley off of the other, and a third year blonde, 'Loony' Lovegood hanging onto his back like a macaque, her legs wrapped around his torso, and her arms around his neck.

The four seemed to be animatedly talking amongst themselves, seeingly not seeing anything strange about their presentation, and situation.

A hated voice broke the silence.

"And what is the meaning of this, _Potter_?"

Harry turned his gaze towards the source of the drawl, his eyes not managing to escape the heavy orbit of the dungeon bat's thick, greasy hair fast enough for his tastes, before he simply raised an eyebrow.

"The meaning of what exactly?"

"Of this shameful display between you and these... _young ladies_."

Harry's eyes widened lightly at that, as if he had figured out exactly what Snape meant, and he answered in a jovial tone.

"Oh, this? I know you might not understand this, sir, but girls tend to like being around you, and actually touch you, when you bother to spend the time to bathe."

More than one person spat out their breakfast, one of these people including Flitwick who had choked on his tea at Harry's declaration. Most Gryffindors watched Harry in undisguised awe, the Ravenclaws studying he situation as meticulously as possible, trying to find a reason for the change in attitude in Harry between the previous day and today. The Puffs were impressed by his response against Snape, but house loyalty had them apathetic to the insult due to their support of Cedric.

On the Slytherin table, though most seemed apathetic themselves, or simply neutral, or stoic, on the inside most of them were laughing merrily at he slight against their head of house. The fact that Potter had insulted Snape as an intellectual snake would, and not foolishly as a lion, had them pensive.

Snape seethed even as he spoke.

"What did you just say, _Potter_?"

Snape injected so much venom into Harry's surname that people were surprised the Potter family name wasn't corroded from the history books.

"I said, sir, that girls tend to like men who smell well."

"DETENTION, POTTER!"

Harry put on a clueless face as he spoke.

"Whatever reason would you have to put me in detention for, sir? As far as I am aware, I have broken no rules today. Yet."

"You have just blatantly and publically insulted a staff member, in the middle of the great hall!"

Harry shook his head at that, his arms crossed over his chest. His pose was mimicked by Ginny, and his whipping hair was tickling Luna's face. Hermione, for her part, simply gave Harry an exhasperated look as he responded.

"Not really, sir. I never insulted you. I simply said that girls like men who bathe."

As he said that, he directed his gaze directly towards the head table, changing targets between McGonagal, Vector, Sprout, Sinistra and Babbling, posing a question to them.

"Was that statement in any way factually inaccurate, Professors?"

McGonnagal's lips twitched at that, with Sprout covering her mouth with her handkerchief and pretending to cough into it. Vector covered her mouth with her hand, chuckling lowly into it, and Babbling allowed herself to laugh out loud even as Sinistra answered in an amused tone, the mischievous look in her eyes speaking volumes of the enjoyment she was having.

"Not at all, mister Potter. That was one of the main things any wizard should have in mind when dealing with the fairer sex. Hygiene, and manners, are the most important aspects of a man."

Harry nodded sagely at that, his actions once again mimicked by Ginny. Luna hadn't dislodged herself from his back for the entire time.

"So, if an individual were to not bathe for long time periods, spend long amounts of time in a stuffy, closed room with various intense scents of, let's go out on a limb and say potion ingredients. If that person also happened to be an acerbic, acidic, abrasive person, and all around a horrible individual to be around, then they would be unfamiliar with interactions with the opposite gender?"

Sinistra's smirk widened further, even as Flitwick turned red from attempting to supress his laughter, and his 3rd time choking on his tea.

"Indeed that would be most likely, mister Potter."

"Now, another question. Did my statements, admitted to be factual by yourselves as esteeed faculty of Hogwarts, professors, at any point mention any specific individuals or entities? Do they convey the direct intent to offend an individual?"

McGonaggal was the one to answer that one.

"Not at all, mister Potter. No names have been mentioned, and your factual statements were directed at everyone in your immediate premises."

Harry turned towards Snape, a charming, Lockhart-esque smile on his face as he spoke genially.

"There you have it, sir. The other professors who witnessed our exchanges of words saw no offense in my statements. So are you truly justified in assigning detentions?"

Snape ground his teeth at being humilliated by yet another Potter. Knowing that this round had been lost to him, Snape swooped around, his cape billowing dramatically as he made his way back to the head table. The fact that Dumbledore's eyes shone with mirth made things not any easier than they already were for the greasy man.

Sinistra raised her goblet of Pumpkin juice towards Harry, who responded by tilting an imaginary hat in her direction, before he and his company headed towards the Gryffindor table, with Luna dislodging herself from his back to sit to his right, with Ginny and Hermione sitting down across from them.

A familiar voice from Harry's left broke the easy flow of conversation going between the four students.

"Harry, mate, that was bloody brilliant what you did! Snape was ready to foam at the mouth, he was."

Harry spared Ron a look from the corner of his eye, before focusing back on his food, speaking in an absent-minded tone, between bites.

"So yesterday you weren't even willingg to as much as look my way, but today I'm already your mate again? What changed, Ronald?"

The redhead missed the frigid tone from The-Boy-who-Lived, though Dean and Seamus had not and winced as Ron kept speaking.

"Well, you might've cheated your way into the tournament and not told me, but you managed to insult Snape in front of everyone, put him in his place and even avoid detention. That and the fact that I know that you're humble enough to apologize soon, make things easier."

The glares directed at him by the girls, surprisingly even 'Loony' Lovegood, could have melted steel, but they weren't what had him wimpering and about to soil his underthings.

Harry's green-eyed glare was a thing that would make Snape jealous. The green orbs which were more often than not friendly and amicable, were conveying a level of anger found in Harry when he was about to go ballistic during one of his famous explosions.

Then, to the surprise of everybody, Harry closed his eyes, and took a deep breath, easing off the edge of his anger.

When he opened his eyes again, his gaze was frostier than the frozen tundra, causing everyone within view of them to cringe. They were used to 'Angry, explodey Harry', and had the measure of just how dangerous he was.

'Simmering, cold fury Harry' was an unknown quantity, and those were always the most dangerous ones.

"Ronald. Do not direct a word to me, do not try to engage me, and do not speak to or about me again until you manage to pull your pigheaded self out of the 'stupid hole' you insist on digging yourself into so persistently."

Having said those words out loud and clear, with the entire great hall listening, Harry surprised many even further when a silent flick of his wand made the sounds from the conversation come out as only a drowned out, insistent low-buzz.

"My parents died because wormtail, whom they considered a trusted and best friend, turned on them at he last moment. I don't intend to have to deal with a wormtail of my own, and that is exactly what you are right now. If you manage to see light and actually repent, I might give you a shot at being more than a mere acquaintance again, but if not... Forget we were friends."

The majority of the people in the great hall were burning with curiosity at what was happening under the bubble of silence, with people like Parvati and Lavender straining their ears to their maximum, to no effect.

They were all surprised when the bubble of silence was lifted, and while Harry, Luna, Hermione and Ginny made their way outside of the great hall in a composed, straight-back, blank faced group, Ron could only sit in place and gape openly. He had been compared to Pettigrew! Pettigrew, the traitorous Death Eater!

While Ron experienced his minor breakdown, Hermione spoke up in the corridors.

"Don't you think that was a bit harsh, Harry? He is, after all, just a kid."

Harry shrugged lightly at that.

"You start correcting your mistakes early. My words may have been harsh, but they were completely truthful. If he doesn't get his head out of his ass, he's going the way of the Pettigrew, and me more than anyone else would like that to not happen.

He was my first friend, and my best male friend, after all. I won't simply cut away years of friendship, nor will I forget what he's done, suffered, and was there for me, for, but I will not tolerate betrayal as well."

Luna spoke up at that.

"Well said, Salazar Le-Fay Hufflepuff."

Ginny and Hermione traded besumed looks, shrugging lightly, and then ketp on walking, even as Luna directed their walk from Harry's shoulders.

 _ **-TBC-**_

 **Inspiration struck, and I decided, why not?**


End file.
